I have to be honest, I'm quite freaked out just typing this. A bit over a week ago the idea to start a blog basically just covering where I'm at right now (along with different ponderings I have on occasion) popped into my head while doing my bible study. It was one of those things that I would not normally think to do on my own (and hadn't considered in the past), so it sort of stuck with me, wondering if God was nudging me to open up more. By nature, I am an introvert. The way I usually put it is "I love people, lots, I just don't like being around them too much.". :) Along with that, I'm a very honest person, and tend to be rather open with my thoughts/opinions, but am FAR less inclined to want to share what I'm feeling on any deep issues or struggles. What I'm thinking, sure, I'll share, but what I'm feeling is not something I prefer to do, let alone type out for the world to see. I like to figure out what I feel, and then, when secure in that, I can share bits with safe people. This whole blogging thing, where I openly share what I'm feeling/working through is definitely not in my nature. That said, it is exactly why I am pressing in and doing so now. Why? I remember a speaker I heard around 9 years ago on the radio who was sharing about listening for God's voice, and how He speaks in many different ways. One such way, the speaker suggested, for God to direct you was when an idea (or "prodding" as a friend of mine and I refer to it) pops into your head to do something that is totally against your own natural inclination, something you would never normally think to do yourself. He said to pay attention, because sometimes that totally random idea is really the Holy Spirit prodding you to do something. That lesson has stuck with me over the years, and I have taken up the speakers suggestion to follow through on it, with astonishing results when it comes to interactions with other people (be it the idea to help someone out of my comfort zone I typically wouldn't, or to simply speak up to someone and get to know them deeper), really just blowing my mind at the depth of those connections when I followed through with the "God prodding", and being very firmly assured by the end of the interaction that the prodding was most definitely from the Holy Spirit.
I have felt that same kind of prodding regarding starting writing this blog. So, here I am. Please forgive any grammatical or spelling errors, as I am very much out of practice when it comes to writing, and would not consider myself an expert in prose to begin with. I am sharing what I will share partly for my own self, to keep myself accountable in some goals I am working towards, and partly sharing for the sake of anyone who might choose to read this. I don't for a moment think of myself as some amazing wise figure, whom everyone should clamber to read for their own great blessing, but just know how wonderful it has been for me reading some blogs at times. I've gained reassurance through some that I'm not the only one going through the struggles I am, and found a "friend" in a stranger who took the time to share where they have been in the hopes of encouraging who ever might stumble on their page. My hope is to maybe encourage someone who might read this, as well as maybe form deeper connections with people I might already know but have been hesitant to share certain depths with. (Though, at this point, I'm still unsure if I am even wanting to share this page with people I know yet. Strangers are so much safer in this context, I mean, no offense strangers, but it will sting a whole lot less if you criticize me in the comments than it would if someone I know and respect were to do so.)
Finally, (since it's late and my day off, so I really should be taking advantage of sleep opportunities here) why name this blog "Secretly Magnificent"? No, it is not because I secretly believe myself to be amazing and more wonderful than so many others. It is because I struggle to see any magnificence in myself, but know that the God who lovingly created me and you and everyone else does see magnificence. He designed and loves us. When He created the world and all the creatures and the magnificent skies and mountains and stars and seas and all the amazing things in it, He called his creation (before making man) "good" (In genesis 1:24), yet, after making man and woman on the 6th day, he surveyed again (in verse 31), He then called it all "very good". If man and woman, made in God's image, can bump His view of all of creation from "good" to "very good", He must see something magnificent in us, don't you think? We are magnificent because He made us so, in HIS very own image. We are fallen and sinful because we chose to be. And we are now redeemed and washed free from all our failings and sins and all shortcomings, and are made perfect (Hebrews 10:14) and holy through Him who made us. I find that magnificent. Why "Secretly Magnificent" though? It is because I myself have a hard time seeing past the lies of the world, and specifically, Satan, that tell me I'm not. They say I am never enough, they get me to focus on the short comings and failures and sins, and try to blind me from the freedom, victory, and new creation I am in Christ. That magnificence, that perfection in Christ, that power that comes through the Holy Spirit to be more like Jesus and less like my old self seems like a secret I've been reluctant to believe, and share, and live. Not anymore though. I want to live the magnificent life God has made in and through me. Be it during my struggle to overcome sugar addiction, or while scraping by financially, during challenges trying to help our boys grow into the men God wants them to be, or any other paths we come across in life. He is the power to overcome all struggles and challenges in this world (as Jesus has already overcome it all), and I am ready to stop allowing His magnificence in us to be a secret.
So, thats that. I don't really know who will read this, but I'll keep writing none the less.
Goodnight all.
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